19 Reasons Why the Special K Challenge is Stupid

Wanna feel like crap?  Wanna looklike crap?  Then eat this crap.I want you all to know I’m not just hating on Special K.  This rant of mine is equall applicable to any “health plan” or “weight-loss system” that involves the vicious consumption of pre-packaged, canned, bottles, or boxed crap in set quantities with the intent to lose weight, get ripped, make boys/girls like you…whatever.  I picked “The K” because it used to be my personal tool of choice for my annual resolution to lose weight and “get ripped” as masochistically as possible.

For about 6 years in a row, my New Years weight-loss resolution involved the consumption of miniscule portions at strictly designated times of Special K and a perfect half cup of skim milk (and later almond milk…not because I thought dairy was bad, but because it had even fewer calories).  In college I’d dedicate an entire row of my bookshelf to multiple boxes of the stuff, in multiple flavors to make sure my diet had variety.  Oh, and my “sensible dinner” usually involved another bowl of either “The K” or instant oatmeal or a can of soup because those are all “portion-controlled,” and when it comes to eating for weight control, less is more, right??

I know…stupid.

Clearly I figured out–eventually–that this kind of crash dieting was stupid and went on to bigger and better things.  I’m sick and tired of seeing this sh*t year after year…but don’t worry, I’m not going to give a spiel on why food restriction doesn’t work.  I’m not going to give a warm and fuzzy about fostering good body image.  I’m not even going to get all preachy about why the Whole30 and Paleo are infinitely superior to the crap our diet-obsessed culture wants to shove down your throat.

No, no.  I’m just going to give you all the reasons why resting all your hopes of a healthier life (and looking better naked) on a f**king cereal, honestly thinking that surviving on nothing but Special-effing-K is a sustainable lifestyle, and why the contents of those ethereal-looking boxes sexied up by commercials with gorgeous women doing a happy dance on a scale decked out in red Armani dresses is literallyrotting out your insides.

  1. Rice
  2. Wheat Gluten
  3. Sugar
  4. Defatted Wheat Germ
  5. Salt
  6. High Fructose Corn Syrup
  7. Dried Whey
  8. Malt Flavoring
  9. Calcium Caseinate
  10. Ascorbic Acid
  11. Alpha Tocopherol Acetate
  12. Reduced Iron
  13. Nicinamide
  14. Pyridoxine Hydrochloride
  15. Riboflavin
  16. Thiamin Hydrochloride
  17. Palmitate
  18. Folic Acid
  19. Added Vitamin B12


Yes, I am aware that a few of those ingredients are added to up the vitamin and mineral content of the cereal.  News flash…fake vitamins aren’t nearly as good as those in real food and just throwing a bunch of micros in the mix doesn’t negate the fact that you’re shoving gluten and corn syrup and God-only-knows-what-some-of-that-crap-is down your gullet.

Do yourself a favor this Resolution Season…cut the crap.



One response to “19 Reasons Why the Special K Challenge is Stupid

  1. I love love love this post! So very true! The Kashi commercial that compares their junk to an egg gets me too…I mean seriously…just eat the effing EGG!!! I am on day 4 of Whole30…if you want to check it out you can follow me at thedrunkenpigs.com

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