Sooooooo…y’all made your Resolutions yet?? Yeah, I bet you have. I’m actually getting pretty ticked at all my social media for reminding me that all anyone ever wants to do this time of year is lose weight. Well, at least until they get bored or realize that they can’t do that without giving up their precious fast food…or that living off of Slim Fast shakes sucks balls…or that eating no meat or animal products (because all the celebs are Vegan, right??) makes them feel like dog shit. Like, seriously, people, you KNOW your credit card is bleeding or that your marriage is failing but all you can do is stare at pictures of Anne Hathaway on the cover of Glamour whilst stuffing your face with low-fat Triscuits and wonder why-oh-why you don’t look like her?!?! I’ll spare you too much of a rant. This is a food blog after all, and I have a whole other site where I can bitch and moan as I please, but you guys…get your head out of your ass.
I’m as body-conscious as anyone. Hell, I did a BIKINI COMPETITION for chrissakes. But holy crap…if I get one more email from someone begging for help because they “tried Paleo” and “just can’t lose weight” even though “I’m eating just like you!”…I’m shutting the whole damn thing down. THAT IS NOT WHAT THIS IS ALL ABOUT. If all you want to do is lose weight real quick, get yourself some damn Special K and starve yourself into a pale, skinny-fat mess. To hell with health, right? If Jennifer Hudson can go on TV to tell me I can “be human” and that I can eat extra large pizzas and still get skinny, then why would I EVER even CONSIDER anything else?
Oh, and if you think that Paleo is just another fad to help people lose weight and wonder why it doesn’t work when you’re downing jars of almond butter and trail mix and “Paleo” desserts…and then have the balls to point fingers at everyone but yourself…just…just leave.
Look, guys, when you actually decide to take some goddamn responsibility for your health, inside and out, and just eat GOOD FOOD…the results will follow. Not overnight.
You have to BE CONSISTENT. That means TIME.
But you’ll actually feel, um, GOOD. Crazy thought, huh? When you treat your body well and pay attention to how you fuel yourself, magically, your hormones start to sort themselves out. Your appetite gets normal. You break the reliance on sugar and starch. Eventually, your body will get to where it needs to be and you can stop bitching and blaming. I don’t even need to tell you that because if you’ve got even a shred of common sense you can figure it out. But no, ladies…you wanna look like a supermodel tomorrow. Gents…you wanna get HE-YOOGE. And you wanna eat pizza and drink beer at the same time. Shame on me, right? Shame on the whole Paleo movement for even suggesting you use your head.